function fortune_cookie () {
  var fortune = new Array(29);

  fortune[0] = "It's not how you pick your nose, but where you put the booger.";
  fortune[1] = "All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.";
  fortune[2] = "When all else fails, follow instructions.";
  fortune[3] = "The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.";
  fortune[4] = "Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.";
  fortune[5] = "If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.";
  fortune[6] = "When everything comes your way, you're in the wrong lane.";
  fortune[7] = "You don't have to swim faster than the shark, just faster than the person you're with." ;
  fortune[8] = "The only difference between smart and stupid people, is that you dont brag about being stupid.";
  fortune[9] = "Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." ;
  fortune[10] = "Hard work pays off later, laziness pays off now.";
  fortune[11] = "There's nothing more annoying than two people talking when you're interrupting.";
  fortune[12] = "Sarcasm keeps you from telling people what you really think of them.";
  fortune[13] = "You can't be late until you show up.";
  fortune[14] = "I talk to myself mainly because I like dealing with a better class of people.";
  fortune[15] = "The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.";
  fortune[16] = "Anything can be obtained through hard work, perseverance, and a large assortment of automatic weapons.";
  fortune[17] = "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in groups.";
  fortune[18] = "There are no stupid questions, only stupid people.";
  fortune[19] = "Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.";
  fortune[20] = "A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.";
  fortune[21] = "A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.";
  fortune[22] = "Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.";
  fortune[23] = "Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.";
  fortune[24] = "Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film."; 
  fortune[25] = "If you can't convince them, confuse them."; 
  fortune[26] = "If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything."; 
  fortune[27] = "It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others."; 
  fortune[28] = "The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up."; 

  var now=new Date();

  return fortune[now.getSeconds()%28];
}

document.write(fortune_cookie());